


Love just isn’t enough sometimes

by OliviaRider



Category: Red Hot Chili Peppers (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-29
Updated: 2019-03-29
Packaged: 2019-12-26 09:45:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18280634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OliviaRider/pseuds/OliviaRider
Summary: Anthony told John he had feelings for him.





	Love just isn’t enough sometimes

I crumpled my paper and threw it across the room, cursing the wonder that is writer’s block. I hadn’t been able to write anything worth singing in front of people since I’d told John how I felt, and it was bugging the fuck out of me. Along with the rest of my band, and I guess Flea had a point when he looked me straight in the eye and asked me how we were supposed to record an album if there was no new material.

My mind was in a thousand different places; places that weren’t helping the creative process. These were places that wanted everything to end, for everything to return to the way it had been before I had confessed my love to my guitarist.

But it couldn’t go back to the way it was before, so I moved ahead. Not in the way I wanted to, but I moved ahead nonetheless. I started fucking every girl that showed an interest in me, but it wasn’t what I wanted. I didn’t want some nameless chick’s soggy pussy.

I wanted John. I wanted a meaningful relationship, and not a one night stand. I wanted to get off stage every night and fall into the arms of someone who loves me, not just someone who thinks I’d be a good fuck ‘cause I’m famous. I wanted to crawl into bed with John every night and wrap my arms around him, having him whisper that he loved me.

But none of that was possible because after I told him how I felt he completely shut down, and all but stopped speaking to me on a personal level. The guys in the band noticed, and even the fucking interviewers realized that something was up, but John just kept telling people that he was tired and wanted to go home.

Believe me, I was tired of tour and wanted to go home as well. I was tired of having to pretend that nothing was wrong, when really, inside I was shattered, and just wanted to die. But I never got depressed, or so everyone was so keen on thinking. He’s fucking Anthony Kiedis; he’s got everything he could wish for.

I was blessed in a lot of ways; I was living my rock star dream, traveling the world and playing music; doing things my way. I did have a lot of things, but the only thing I wanted right now was John, and I didn’t have him.

I got up, rubbing my fingers over my face and up to my hair, running my fingers through the long strands that fell past my shoulders and down my back. I had to get out of this bus, there was too much of John there. His clothes were strewn across the bus, along with my own, and the rest of the band’s; and the room were permeated with his distinct scent. A scent that was stronger than any drug, and drove me crazier than any girl’s perfume.

I walked out of the bus and across the back lot of the venue whose name I was unaware of, in a town I didn’t care about. It was all about going through the motions right now, I didn’t care about much. I kept walking, and sat down over the crest of a hill, with my back turned to the world.

I sat there, just staring blankly until I heard a noise behind me. I turned my head slowly, straining the muscles in my neck, only to see the object of my angst, John walking over the hill and towards me. I couldn’t look at his face, couldn’t stand to see his hazel eyes look at me with disgust like they had since I told him.

“John, what do you want?” I asked, my voice flowing from my lips more bitterly than I had planned. He sat down next to me, staring straight at the scenery in front of him, tapping his long, guitar-calloused fingers on his knees. I also locked my eyes on the picture in front of me.

“I came to talk to you. You’ve been zoning out like crazy for the last couple weeks. I’m worried about you.” He replied as he tore his eyes away from the sky and looked at me.

“Worried about me? Considering you have barely spoken to me since I told you that I have feelings for you, that’s a weird word to describe what you are. Maybe I’m feeling a little bit hurt.” I spat.

He looked like he had been kicked in the stomach. “I’m the reason you’re being so detached?” his eyebrows crept up his forehead in surprise.

I looked him straight in the eye for the first time since he had come and disturbed my quiet little world on the hill. “No, I’m the reason you’re so detached.” I replied simply. There were so many feelings inside of me, and I was fighting with myself not to let them all flow out, and worsen the situation.

He sighed deeply and nodded. “What did you expect? Did you expect me to just end my relationship with Toni and confess my love for you?” he took a deep breath. “I’m not about to take a chance on someone as unpredictable as you are.”

I opened my mouth, but faltered and closed it again. My heart felt like it had been ripped out. “John…I love you.” It was all I could think of to say. It was the thought that soaked through every idea I had.  
“You love me? Just like you loved Ione, and Sinéad? And Carmen? I don’t think so Anthony. Love just isn’t enough sometimes.” He got up, and went to leave. I wanted to stop him with all my heart, to run to him and confess that this time was different.

But it wasn’t really different. I was feeling the same feeling I had for Ione and Sinéad...and even Carmen. I couldn’t for sure tell him that my love was going to last forever. I couldn’t promise him that in the end it would be worth leaving his stable relationship for.

I got up, and began my walk back to the bus. Back to the prison that was holding me at bay of my emotions. I took a deep breath and decided to put all these emotions behind me, whether they were subsiding or not.


End file.
